Real men keep their distance

Photo: Florian Pavel/www.flickr.com

Belgrade and the boys

Only a few people are standing at the bus stop, waiting for a bus in the 45th block of New Belgrade - the most densely-populated area in the Balkans, with a reputation as Belgrade's Bronx. Even in daytime the endless lines of buildings seem spooky, and now, in the evening, they're even more so. Among the people waiting there are two men in their early thirties, trying to kill time. Facing each other they're making lively conversation. As if they're scared that others can hear them, they whisper, despite the active dialogue. Then one of them takes a pair of headphones out of his pocket and puts one in his friend's ear and the other in his own. In a few moments the bus arrives, they shake hands and kiss three times on the cheek — Serbs usually do kiss three times instead of two. They look as if they're saying goodbye. But no; in the next second they enter the bus together. They sit close to each other and a few stops later they shake hands and kiss each other again, before one of them gets out, but continues to look at his friend as the bus drives on.

In S-Snapshots, issue 6, we saw how people in Paris celebrate their sexuality and even make a kind of political statement of it. Here in Belgrade it is slightly different. This is after all the Balkans, where a special kind of machismo, called balcanismo, has been around for a long time. Here we have strict rules about what men can and cannot do, especially in public. Men can have their close male friends whom they can talk to, go out with and drink with. If they haven't seen each other for a long time, a handshake and three kisses are allowed when saying hello and goodbye. Three kisses are part of traditional behaviour pattern; you also do it with people who are not that close to you, whether straight or gay.

The traditional three kisses among men might seem really affectionate, compared to the rather cold and distant behavior of some of our northern European neighbours, but it is usual and accepted here. However, what perhaps might seem paradoxical is that while two cheek-kissing men are socially accepted as long as they are clearly nothing more than friends, the slightest hint that they could be homosexual might lead them into serious trouble and even endanger their personal safety. Both verbal and physical violence against gay people, as well as straight people who have been categorized as ‘gayish’ by offenders, are quite common in Serbia.

Photo: Katarina Stefanović/ www.flickr.com

Serbian society is still conservative

For women this is rather different. They don't have to be as careful as men of being judged as gay, as showing affection towards each other is considered 'more natural' for them. You can often see women friends holding hands, hugging and kissing in the street. Once in a while you can even see women french kiss in public. That is tolerated.

So, why did those men at the bus stop kiss goodbye three times? I only can guess what their motives were, but I would say that this scene, and the strange game of repeating the conventional action of showing affection between men means that they were hiding from society. Even though Serbia clearly is a part of Europe, geographically and culturally, it has only been 10 years since the fall of the socialist regime that kept us in all sorts of isolation. Since 'going back to our roots' was part of social policy in the nineties, society isn't ready to accept the new, anti-traditionalist gender rules, which dominate in some other parts of Europe. Public opinion and its harsh reactions force those who feel different to play chameleons or hide their feelings. When men do feel the need to show affection in public, they adapt to the gender role set out for them, finding a loop hole in unwritten social laws.

Now we have new anti-discrimination laws as a result of EU pressure, but the climate hasn't changed much. Should society be changed by reward-and-punish state actions, or by social shocks like parades of difference, in order to become more tolerant? It's hard to say, but we can hope that the new visa regime, which allows more people to leave Serbia, experience a different culture and break out of their strict cultural pattern, will bring some positive changes.