Some things take a long time to change. Whilst the "Females-in-Front"- initiative is protesting against the lack of women in top positions in the EU, the dating website "www.eastern-europe-women.com" offers men the chance to find a "true life partner" who is "beautiful" and "unspoiled by feminism." But although women still seem to be struggling to escape their place as "the second sex," European men also seem to have a problem: labelled as "macho" if they like football and "metrosexual" if they use moisturiser, they don't seem to be able to do anything right. We've asked four young Europeans to tell us their views about emancipation, and they came up with four very different answers. From coffee to vacuum cleaners, they show us the anatomy of gender in 21st century Europe.

Men and women are different, and they ought to stay that way!

Mariya Brovchenko

Women are naturally made to have children and to develop feelings of motherly love. Although they regularly suffer for this, I believe that bringing a child into the world is one of the most beautiful feelings of all. Both sexes have advantages and disadvantages, and we shouldn't try to remove these differences - but we do want to be equal. So what does equality mean?

Does it mean that I should have the same chance of getting a job as a man of the same ability as me, or does it mean that my boss should behave towards me in exactly the same way as he behavees towards my male colleagues? For me, only the former is essential to equality. If a woman is more beautiful to look at than many of the men she works with, why shouldn't she get attention for it? If the boss holds the door open for her just because she's a lady, I don't see anything unfair in that - in fact, I think it's rather nice.

Photo: Abigail Yaho /  www.youthphoto.eu

E&M doesn't know who paid

Because I come from Eastern Europe, I've experienced some differences between gender roles within Europe. For example, whilst a man in Kiev who goes for coffee with a woman is obliged simply to pay for the woman's drink unobtrusively, a Berliner is more likely to say, "Why should I pay for your drink? I don't expect anything from you." Regardless of what sort of relationship the man has with the woman. Many people think, "why should the man pay? After all, most women earn the same as men these days." But even if the woman does earn as much as the man, which is actually quite unlikely, treating her to a drink is still a nice gesture which no longer has anything to do with being "richer." I can't really imagine that a man who pays for a woman's coffee really thinks to himself, "the poor little thing, I'll take pity on her and treat her to a coffee," any more than I'd rejoice over the fact that I'd saved 5 euros because a man paid for my drink - I'd just be happy that someone wanted to do something nice for me.

I've met a lot of girls who don't want any of these nice gestures. They don't see them as "something nice" but as signs of the differences between men and women: "I'm a woman, so he assumes that I'm poor, or that I'm incapable of carrying my suitcase myself." But the average man is still bigger and stronger than the average woman, and this isn't a sign of weakness any longer, since we no longer live in the world of the strong. So why don't women want to be helped?

I once arrived in Berlin late in the evening, alone, with a very heavy suitcase, and stood in front of a long flight of stairs at the station. Everyone just walked past with their own problems. I thought to myself: "Well, I'm in Germany now, I can't expect help anymore."

Photo: Edmund Blair Leighton / Art Renewal Centre Museum

Mariya says: what's wrong with chivalry?

But then, as I started to drag the heavy suitcase up the stairs, a man whisked it from my hands and carried it for me. Of course, the man spoke Russian - that didn't surprise me at all, because "at home" this behaviour is basically expected.

Why don't German men help women carry their suitcases? I think that because a lot of German women don't want to be helped, men have adjusted their behaviour to this. I find it okay if women want to manage everything themselves and don't want to be helped, but for me physical help has nothing to do with gender discrimination or the oppression of women. I prefer to abstain from all help from men, especially regarding my career, but if my suitcase is too heavy, I don't see it as a sign of my weakness if a man helps me with it.

Men and women are different, and they're going to stay that way. Many wonderful traditions have grown out of these differences, although these traditions can contrast strongly between cultures. Thus, some of these traditions have survived better in Eastern Europe than in Western Europe. I think it's a shame that Western Europeans tend to equate gender-specific traditions with oppression - yes, inequality does exist in many areas, but in order to fight this we shouldn't be trying to eradicate any and every difference betwe en men and women, and neither should we be fighting against traditional manners. We should be looking for real solutions to inequality.

The myth of male emancipation: why a pink t-shirt isn't the sign of a paradigm shift

Peter Blackstock

Are you a man or a mouse?

I don't know about you, but I'm definitely a mouse.

Don't get me wrong, I'm no metrosexual (well, being gay rather precludes being metrosexual) but I never play football, I can't put up shelves straight and I refuse to destroy my liver in the name of fitting in. In fact, I believe that the age of metrosexuality has been and gone, if it was ever here in the first place. Even the reactionary phenomenon of "retrosexuality" (i.e. men who have reverted to their inner Neanderthal) has also disappeared, and these days European models of masculinity seem to have polarised along class lines into twin idols of football hooligans and businessmen.

Yes, it might seem that Europe is a haven of equality and diversity - after all, we've had suffragettes, female prime ministers, sarong-wearing football players... But just because a man can now wear a pink t-shirt without being shunned by society doesn't mean gender is no longer an issue. The norms for clothing and appearance may have shifted a little, but masculine behavioural norms are as rigid as ever. These differ greatly from country to country - the most masculine young Bulgarians, for example, shave all of their body hair (yes, all of it) - but the central rule is the same: act like a red-blooded male, in other words: like a heterosexual. Metrosexuality and other deviations from traditional masculine behaviour are only tolerated as a playful comment on masculinity, rather than as a paradigm shift. And, in my opinion, there are serious commercial interests behind this phenomenon. If you can sell moisturiser and pedicures to straight men, you can make a lot of money.

So are European men ever going to change - are we ever truly going to break out of our limited concept of what it is to be male?

Since being male is seen as the ‘default' in our society, I don't think that a man's gender impacts on his life in the way a woman's does. Of course, strongly defined masculine gender norms do exist, but since they're most often associated with positive characteristics (physical strength, self-confidence, rationality) they're more beneficial than detrimental, even for the many men who don't fit into this narrow mould. A mouse like me may not be as physically strong as a female co-worker, but he'll still get asked to do the heavy lifting at work, and while this may seem like a chore, the man is still in the empowered position. It could be argued that men are put under pressure by patriarchal structures which cast them in the role of the achiever and breadwinner, but men who do not measure up to these criteria are rarely disenfranchised. So I'd conclude that we don't really want to change: men don't suffer from being seen as bigger, stronger and more rational than women. After all, the patriarchy is built on keeping men in positions of power, and even men who don't themselves occupy those positions benefit by extension through the deeply-held idea that they are - broadly speaking - superior to women.

A spectre is haunting Europe-the spectre of women's magazines.

Marie Gallagher

Seriously, no matter where I go, I can't escape them.  They're everywhere.  Perkily encouraging me to lose weight, telling me what I absolutely must have for the next fashion season and what I should get rid of, keeping me up-to-date on the latest in

Photo: Tawny Kate-aen / wikimedia commons

Victoria Beckham:an image to aspire to?

celebrity culture, schadenfreudily tearing down the stars who were lauded on the cover a year ago, and admonishing me to imitate the deathly-thin, bored-looking models on their pages.

There are the "lifestyle" glossies.  In Germany, Petra promises me "make up that makes you younger".  The Bild der Frau tells me I can lose three kilos in one weekend.  I have to say, I'm sceptical.  I once had the stomach flu for that long, and even then I didn't lose that much.

Then we have the celebrity rags. The headlines are always similar. "All new: Stars without Make-up" one proclaims.  "Makeovers: From Sad to Stunning" another hawks.  One does a story on shockingly skinny stars while another writes about how some celebrity has gained 10 pounds through depression.

And then the beauty magazines. The model on this month's French Vogue (November 2008) appears wax-like. Passive. Practically dead, as a matter of fact.  Pale face, lips open slightly, as if she were whispering her last words, eyes nearly closed.  And even though you can only see her from the shoulders up, it is clear from her prominent clavicle that she is skeletal.

Some people will tell you this is art.  But, although they might crow about independence and emancipation, the message of ‘female empowerment' they have to offer isn't one of women being able to determine their lives and live them according to their own desires and interests.

They don't give women a voice, they tell us to listen to theirs.

They tell us that we need to be able to do everything: look beautiful (why else would Heat

Photo: Tobias Zogrotzky / www.youthphotos.eu

"A treadmill fit for a hamster" : the endless beauty contest created by womens' magazines

feature a picture of Beyonce on their homepage with a tiny bit of underarm stubble and write that the editors, on seeing it, ‘almost vommed'?), have glamorous jobs, fit boyfriends, cool apartments, be able to cook and be great in bed (why else would Cosmo devote every single issue to tips on how to catch, keep and please your men?).

And, since advertisers are the ones paying for the mags, we are encouraged to reach all those goals by going shopping.  Buying the Christmas outfit that will drive him crazy, the new gadget for the kitchen that will be the envy of all our friends, the expensive shoes that will make everyone jealous.

That isn't real emancipation.  That is a treadmill fit for a hamster. It doesn't leave you time to think, and it creates a skewed sense of reality.

It's easy to laugh off women's magazines as harmless or just plain stupid, but sometimes, the goal of impossible perfection they force on women can become dangerous.  Anna-who asked to remain anonymous-is a student at an English university.  She was diagnosed with anorexia, a condition that primarily affects teenage girls, at age 15.  She says, ‘of course you can never blame something like that solely on the society in general, it's always a personal thing, too.  But I'll say this: I never knew I was doing anything wrong.  I thought eating less was supposed to be the goal, I thought I was just stronger and healthier than everyone else.  Even after my hair started falling out'.

But what she found was that no matter how hard you push yourself to reach the illusion,

Photo: Frieda / www.youthphotos.eu

Marie says: throw away your magazines!

it doesn't make you happy.  On the way back to health, she ‘learned that I had to stop believing that other people knew better than me.  I had to learn not to think about whether or not I was as beautiful or good or clever as I was supposed to be'.

Many people, however, never really learn to disregard the messages they're being given in these magazines.  They start off at 13, trying the dieting tips in teenage magazines, graduate to the lifestyle tips aimed at 20-somethings, and at 50 are still trying every wrinkle-smoothing cream that promises to save them from ageing.

And the articles about fallen celebrities are the stick to match the carrot, the reminder of what might happen if we fail in our quest for perfection.  We might find our neighbours analysing our spotty skin like Heat does Keira Knightley's, or have strangers clucking over our cellulite like they did over Britney Spears's.

Women's rights in Europe have made so much progress over the last century.   Women in Finland were already given the right to vote in 1906.  Other countries gradually followed suit-Denmark in 1915, Britain in 1918, and in Switzerland and Liechtenstein in 1971 and 1984, respectively (better late than never).  A Frenchwoman, Simone de Beauvoir, inspired women to fight for their rights all over the world in the decades following the publication of The Second Sex in 1949.  In countries ranging from Ireland to Germany, women have risen to the top political positions.

But still, we're kept. We buy, and buy into, the lies of women's magazines that tell us we can do everything and be anything-as long as it fits into a narrow definition of what we should want.  And as long as we buy from their advertisers as part of our quest for perfection.

The most annoying part of all of this?  I often want to read these magazines.  It's like eating fast food-it seems like a good idea at the time, but afterwards, you feel fat and ill.  And yet, after the memory has faded, you do it again.  And again.

Sausages, housework and declarations of love: how women are so much more emancipated in Eastern Europe

Christopher Wratil

I consider myself an emancipated man. And so, each summer I make my way to Eastern Europe, to friends of mine in the Baltic states or the Czech Republic. I do this because I've discovered that something there is different. I've discovered that there are women there who fascinate me, who have emancipation in their blood.

"Emancipation" in its Latin meaning refers to the liberation from slavery. To me, "emancipation" is a process leading to freedom from constraints, to the self-determination of the individual. To see why Eastern European women perform much better in this process than Western European women, look at how women and men interact in love affairs: what I loved about my experiences with Eastern European women is that they do not analyse every single word to death, that communication with them is more uninhibited and unreserved than with Western European women. Western European social norms and conventions - especially in the North-western countries - tend to generate a culture of ambiguity in which language is not used as a mode of communication but as a means of concealing one's true feelings: in Germany, telling a women that you "like" her is almost like a proposal of marriage. Similarly, a Western European woman would almost never tell a man at the start of the relationship that she "likes" him. Meanwhile, I have often heard Belarus or Baltic women telling me how "cute" I am. I was amazed! Did they want to marry me? Certainly not, but they were honest. Honesty, however, is something from which the French and the Germans prevent themselves by preserving some sort of leeway in which communication is not a matter of understanding each other but a matter of game-playing. You could easily spend two months with a German woman on a lonely North Sea island, under a starry sky, going on countless walks through romantic dunes, without ever knowing if the reactor you built up during these two months will ever host a nuclear fusion. Eastern honesty, however, demands self-determination as you usually play with open cards whereas western uncertainness chooses words which leave the greatest possible room for manoeuvre. They commit us to nothing, leaving space for being cowardly and saying "Well, you misinterpreted me totally!".

The greater emancipation of Eastern European women also becomes clear when it comes to body image: whereas two Belgian girls who I lived with were so diet-obsessed that they could not eat one sausage, drink a single beer or live without sport every day, the Czech and Baltic girls I was friends with were more in touch with themselves: we spent whole nights in the alleys of Prague, crawling from pub to pub, tasting all the great beers and eating dumplings with roast pork - no thought lost to one's waistline. This, of course, was not everyday life; these were the exceptional experiences of a shining summer, but they were possible due to self-determination and not self-regulation.

That Eastern European women are much more free from social norms and therefore have a much better idea of what they really want was never clearer to me than in one of my first discussions with my Polish housemate: when we talked about how to organise the

Photo: Wikimedia Commons

A Soviet poster for International Women's Day: "the rebellion of working women against kitchen slavery"

housework, I expected that we'd agree on the usual Western European convention - which has much to do with Western notion of "equality" - namely that we would share every task by alternating. However, Hanna stood up and said: "One thing is clear, my dear, I have no idea of electricity or pipes, I do not like vacuum cleaning, I would not like to arrange for the telephone, hence you will do these tasks and I will polish the floor, clean the windows, scrub the shower and the toilet". Unbelievable claims for most Western European women! For me, this is a form of emancipation, that you define things for yourself and do not remain determined by social norms.

But in the end, doubts creep over me. Ironically, although I know many Eastern European women my girlfriend is German. I could cite her as an exception, of course, but I wouldn't have much to say if someone suspected: "Hey, Chris, maybe you're not emancipated enough to stand your ground with an Eastern European girlfriend".

Cover photo by Heike Kölzer/www.youthphotos.eu