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What would you like from the menu?

You may very well know what I mean if I talk about a French kiss, but do you know what kind of sex I am referring to if I talk about Swedish? Or Esperanto? Read on to discover what your favourite sexual nationality is, and the history of these national sex types.

Danish: The vikings may be disappointed, because there is not much that's "berserk" about the Danish contribution to the European sexual map. Danish is simply the plain old missionary position with the man on top of the woman.

Esperanto: Although they don't have a country, Esperanto speakers have their own type of sex, which is sex between the feet of a man or a woman. If you add clogs to the scenario, it is called Dutch.

French: This is not a tough one. Just as a French kiss is a kiss where you use your tongue, French as a term for sex means oral sex.

German: Apparently, the Germans like it rough. German sex refers to sadomasochism, though the word is actually derived from the names of two authors: The French Marquis de Sade and the Austrian Leopold von Sacher-Masoch.

Greek: This one may come as no surprise given the reputation the ancient Greeks had for being into homosexuality. Greek is anal sex, either between two men or between a man and a woman.

Italian: The famous lovers of Italy may be startled by this, but the term Italian sex is a man being sexually stimulated in a woman's armpit.

Greek and French - these two terms, which have somewhat historical roots, started a trend of nationalising sex types in the 80's.

Norwegian: During the dark, cold nights of the winter in Norway, perhaps you would be interested in some Norwegian sex: stimulating yourself while watching two other people have sex.

Russian: Russian sex involves the man being stimulated sexually between the thighs of a woman.

Spanish: Spanish sex is sex between the breasts of a woman.

Swedish: Some Swedes may think this is boring and not sufficient for them, but nevertheless, Swedish sex is a good old hand job.

Swiss: Swiss is an erotic massage between two women. Where the Swiss men fit into the picture is unknown.

The love-sick French and the naughty Greeks started it all

The use of nationalities to describe different sexual acts has its origin in two different places. The two most widely known and used terms are "French" for oral sex and "Greek" for anal sex. Greek as a term for anal sex has been used for a long time and refers to the habits of the ancient Greeks, when it was supposedly acceptable for an older man to engage in anal sex with younger men. Actually though, this conception is not as true as many think it is. Although it was acceptable and thought of as a part of a young man's upbringing to engage in non-penetrative sex with an older man, anal sex was considered a shameful thing to do (more so for the young man than for the older man mounting him). Nevertheless, the rumour stuck.

Photo: Roman Henn / www.youthmedia.eu (by-nc)
French love. Very European.

Another national term for sex that is widely used today is "French". French sex as oral sex and a French kiss as a term for kissing "with tongues" have been used since the 1920s. There are different theories as to how this practice got its national name. Some sources say that it is because the French were said to be amorous and passionate people. Thus, a passionate kiss was called a French kiss. In France though, it was once called a Florentine kiss (un baiser florentin), so maybe the French themselves considered the Italian more passionate than themselves. Some also say that the passionate kiss is called a French kiss because France historically have been known to accept public displays of affection (like kissing) before other countries did. Another theory, which is more derogatory, is the theory that the term originated during World War I. Back then, there was a common phrase that the French would rather make love with their faces than go to war. Although it is most likely that the term was coined because of a stereotypical view of the French and their passion, the true origin of the term remains unknown.

These two terms, which have somewhat historical roots, started a trend of nationalising sex types in the 80's. In many instances, stereotypical views of the different nationalities play a role in what type of sex the country came to represent, even though some of these terms varies from country to country. It is virtually impossible to name an 'inventor' of these terms, but you certainly can place responsibility on one group of people for keeping the trend alive and well: Prostitutes.

Today, there are plenty of brothels that have 'menus' explaining what types of sex are available from which prostitute, and these menus describe the types of sex in terms of nationalities. Some people think that because French and Greek was already accepted and well-known terms for types of sex, prostitutes went on and invented names for more kinds of sex to make their menus look more uniform. One brothel in Copenhagen has actually taken the trend to a whole new level and offers its clients a more complete experience: the prostitutes put on naughty versions of the different traditional national comstumes to accompany the different types of national sex.

But even people who just have sex for fun still use the terms, some more than others. It gives the questions "Have you been to Germany?" or "Do you speak Esperanto?" a whole new meaning, doesn't it?

NEXT ISSUE 01.04.2018